The Solution When You're Confused

These days I was so confused. It's like I don't know which step I should take since I don't exactly know where the way leads me to. All I think is 'what if'. What if I take this way? Then I can't find what I will find if I go another way? In contrast, what if I take the another way? I can't get what I will get if I go this way?

Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood. –Henry Miller

Well, confusion always makes everything confusing. It doesn't lead you anywhere, it just brings you bigger confusing situation. And then I realized something. I'm confused not because I don't know what I should do. It's because I don't know what I'm looking for. And in life, it always happen to us.

Let me illustrate this. Let's say there are two ways you can choose. First way will bring you to a place where you can find people you love. The second way is different. It has a lot of money that definitely makes you rich. There is a situation when you're confused.

I'm confused not because I don't know what I should do. It's because I don't know what I'm looking for. And in life, it always happen to us.

Maybe you want to follow the first way as you can feel happy when you're with the people you love. Make sense. But you don't have money? It's not a guarantee there's money there, and you know you can't live without money. Then you change your mind, you decide to follow the second way. You think it's okay not to be with people you love, because you can still survive without them, because you have money! But then you think again, what's the point of having a lot money and living this life if you can't feel happy with the people you love? And maybe you'll find new people there who you can also love?

Well, I'm not gonna debating about which way is right. But this confusing situation often comes to our lives. It's not always about money, people you love, or what. It's just example. It can be anything.

Whether we realize or not, when we're confused, we keep asking about which the right way we should go. We focus too much about it, while what we really need is to know what we really need, not the right way. The question now is not which the right way to go, but which we we're looking for. Is it happiness with the people we love? Or surviving life with money is already enough? Weigh both, which one is more important?

We focus too much about which the right way we should go, while what we really need is to know what we really need, not the right way.

When we try to know which the right way to go, we will never know it. When we know what we're looking for, we will know the right way to go. The hardest part is to know what you're really looking for. But, at least it will lead you to less confusion, or no confusion.

State of the Union

IN                                   OUT 

Hot cocoa                   Tropical drinks

When the temperature in Westchester drops, the PC luh-vs to cuddle up by the fire and indulge in delicious winter treats. Massie is known for throwing the most ah-mazing sleepovers, and come wintertime, she’s famous for dazzling her BFFs with delicious eggnog and hot cocoa.

What’s your favorite winter treat?

Clique Crush: David Henrie

This Wizards of Waverly Place star has enchanted us ever since we first laid eyes on him. With his ah-dorable smile and ah-mazing charm, we can’t help but compare David Henrie to Derrington.

Is David your favorite Disney Channel hawtie?

The Cheetah Girls - Cheetah-licious Christmas

Tweet

When we went to Dago

Kemarin malam Nadya mengirim SMS kepadaku. Dalam SMS-ya tersebut, dia meminta diriku dan Meisya untuk menemaninya pergi ke JONAS untuk foto kelas-nya. Aku sama sekali tidak keberatan. Tapi lain lagi hal-nya dengan Meisya. Dia bilang padaku bahwa besok (hari ini) dia mungkin tidak bisa ikut menemani kami (tepatnya Nadya). Karena, yah. orangtua pacar-nya sakit dan harus dijenguk. Well, tapi lihat saja nanti kata Meisya.

Aku berjumpa dengan Meisya dan Nadya di depan rumah-nya Meisya untuk langsung berangkat menuju sekolah mereka (by the way, foto kelas-nya Nadya tidak jadi di adakan di JONAS, tapi di koridor sekolah). Nadya mengajak kami pergi ke Dago (meskipun kami semua sedang bokek). Dia hanya ingin lunch di McDonald's Dago dan take some pictures there. Well, akhirnya kami pun pulang dulu ke rumah Meisya baru setelahnya kami pergi ke Dago.

Kami pada akhirnya lunch di McDonald's Dago. Tempat si Nadya kencan dengan pacarnya yang dulu, Awdhika. Hihihi, dasar iru anak. Kalo udah inget sama yang satu itu pasti kalo nggak seneng banget, ya nge-galau. Well, back ro the main topic. Dalam hati aku berkata, "Secara ini 'kan cuma di fast food restaurant, pastinya orang-orang yang dateng juga ordinary people,". Tapi ternyata aku sungguh salah besar.

Just so you know, ini temapat bukan cuma PW (posisi wenak) tempatnya, enak makanannya (biasa aja sih padahal secara ini 'kan cuma fast food restaurant). Tapi juga banyak hawtie guy (baca = H2CS or HART) disini. Sambil makan, sambil cuci mata. Sambil menyelam, minum air. Hahaha, biasa, anak cewek kalo udah ketemu sama yang namanya hawtie guy, pasti aja matanya jelalatan. Nggak bisa ngalihin perhatian dikit aja dari si 'mangsa'. Anyway, emang banyak sih hawtie guy-nya. Dan detik itu juga kami mengecap tempat ini sebagai salah satu tempat hanging out wajib buat kami.

 Setelah kenyang dengan lunsh kami dan kenyang cuci mata, kami stay-out from that place. Kami berniat pergi ke Dago Plaza dan Toko Buku di Jalan Merdeka. Tapi keduanya batal karena: Setelah selesai makan, kami dari daerah Simpang Dago berjalan menuju Dago Plaza yang jaraknya cukup jauh untuk berjalan kaki. Well, kaki-nya Meisya lecet dan dia capek banget kelihatannya. Finally, kami langsung naik angkutan umum dan pulang ke rumah.

Well, cepet sembuh aja ya, Mei. Buat kami kamu yang lecet (maaf ya). Anyway, yang ngajak jalan begitu 'kan kamu dan Nadya (omong-omong si Nadya itu malah seneng soalnya di sekalian bakar lemak). Maybe thats all for today and see ya latter 'til you find it and read the rest of our daily!

XOXO Fadhil.

Spot A Best Friend!

Sahabat Sejati

• Rela membatalkan kencan sma pacarnya demi menemani kamu yang baru putus sama pacarmu.
• Nomormu menjadi nomor satudi call history dalam ponselnya.
• Obrolan kalian mencakup kegiatan sehari-hari sampai sesi curhat, dan tidak pernah ada habisnya walaupun sering bertemu.
• Tidak ada rahasia yang kamu atau dia tutupi di depan satu sama lain, termasuk soal ciuman pertama kalian masing-masing.
• Kalian tidak pernah berantem lebih lama dari satu hari saking tidak tahannya untuk tidak bercerita antara satu sama lain
• Jika kamu muntah di tempat umum, dia tidak termasuk orang yang memangdang jijik ke arahmu, tapi justru langsung mengeluarkan tisu untuk membantu membersihkan bekasnya.
• Dia mau mengalah dan membiarkan kamu membeli sepatu yang kalian berdua sukai saat sepatu tersebut tinggal sepasang dijual di toko.
• Orang tuamu sayang banget sama dia dan menganggapnya seperti saudaramu sendiri.
• Dia tidak pernah lupa hari ulang tahunmu Bahkan, dia pernah repot-repot bikin surpriese party buatmu.
• Kalau dia tahu tentang sesuatu yang membahayakan dirimu - misalnya, percobaanmu dengan obat-obat terlarang, dia akan langsung memberi tahu anggota terdekat keluargamu yang bisa membantu, meskipun kamu melarangnya.

Sahabat Palsu

• Selalu besikap baik sama kamu di depan temanmu yang menjadi gebetannya.
• Tidak bersedia meminjamkan HP karena pulasnya tinggal sedikit, meskipun kamu perlu mengabari hal penting ke orangtuamu.
• Obrolan kalian tidak pernah menyentuh soal pribadi yang bersifat sensitif alias cuma hal-hal yang ada di permukaan saja.
• Rahasia yang kamu ceritakan padanya sering dibocorkan kepada teman-teman.
• Saat berantem, dia sibuk menegaskan ke teman-teman bahwa kamu adalah pihak yang bersalah supaya mereka mau jadi 'sekutunya'.
• Ketika memiliki masalah dan membutuhkan bantuannya, kamu hatus erayunya sekuat tenaga atau menjanjikan imbalan sampai akhirnya dia setuju untuk memberikan pertolongan.
• Dia menganggap kamu adalah saingannya dan selalu ingin dinilai lebih hebat daripada kamudalam segala hal.
• Kamu sering kena marah orangtua gara-gara terlibat masalah bareng dia. Bahkan, mereka suka melarang kamu pergi berdua dengannya.
• Dia tidak peduli kalau kebiasaannya - misalnya, merokok di depanmu biarpun tahu bahwa kamu ridak tahan asap rokok - mengganggu kamu dan marah jika kamu menaseharinya.
• Kamu selalu menjadi pihak yang mengalah setiap kali punya masalah dengannya.

Tweet

State of the Union

Word of the Day: Tuh-weet

A tuh-weet is a 140 character post on Twitter – and Fadhil and the rest of the PC are total tuh-weeting fanatics. Twitter is the best way to get all the latest updates on your favorite celebs, designers, and books (including The Clique) ay-sap – and the Pretty Committee’s ah-bviously obsessed!

So, if you’re not already following TheClique on Twitter, make sure to do so you can tuh-weet with us and join our weekly Twitter parties.Well follow us >> @fadhilihsan @fiverlynenadya @meisyairsan

Tweet

Hot Topic: Friend Poachers

Rebecca thought she'd always be able to count on her best friend, Melissa.* But as soon as they started high school, Melissa began getting closer to another girl, Amy.* "Melissa and Amy were in a lot of the same classes," says Rebecca, sixteen, from New Hyde Park, New York. "When the three of us got together, it was clear that Amy and I were competing for Melissa's friendship. Soon they had inside jokes with each other, and Amy never invited me when the two of them went out."

  

For reasons innocent or calculated, Melissa was "friend-napped"--and Rebecca never saw it coming. Sites like Facebook don't help matters; they encourage "friending" your buddies' pals, blurring the lines even more. "If you go on Facebook and see different girls and groups of friends, you can just message them," says Amanda, eighteen, from Naperville, Illinois. "It allows friend poaching to happen because you have easy communication."

Purloining pals is often used as a means of social climbing. "Girls think, I don't have enough to make me popular, so if I can get with people who are popular, I'll look better," says Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute and a psychologist specializing in adolescent girls. "These people tend to be manipulative. At first they are very friendly with everyone, but as time goes by, they may start to invite your friend out without you, which could lead to you feeling used."

Amanda says she has a classmate, Jen,* who strategically befriends cool kids as a way to boost her social standing. "Jen has had a different BFF every year," Amanda says. When a new girl, Michelle,* started at their high school and instantly became popular, Jen was jealous. "She went out of her way to constantly make plans with Michelle and try to be with her at all times," Amanda says. Jen even started hanging out with girls in Michelle's circle. But Jen's plan backfired when word got out about her power plays--and Michelle stopped hanging out with her. Most of her old pals, like Amanda, now no longer trust her.

Sometimes friends are ushered away unintentionally. Remy, a nineteen-year-old from Winnetka, Illinois, was caught in a conflict between her longtime friend Liz* and new friend Jamie* during her senior year of high school. Liz lived in Chicago, while Remy and Jamie lived in neighboring suburbs, so it was hard for Liz to meet up with them on weekends. When Liz confronted Remy about being excluded, the three of them got into a huge fight. Eventually, Remy realized that Liz was hurt about being left out and just missed her company, so they patched things up.

Being the one left behind, like Remy's friend Liz, is tough, but it doesn't have to stay that way. "Tell [your original friend] what she's doing, and suggest that in the future she say, 'Let's all go out together,' " Kearney-Cooke says. "Then go to the girl who is stealing your friend and discuss it with her." And if you've accidentally done the poaching yourself, make a point to include the left-out party in the group's plans.

Afraid someone is trying to steal you? Keep an eye out for the warning signs. "If a friend is isolating you from the group and wants to hang out all the time, it's a pre-poach--she's setting the stage," says Jessica Rozler, coauthor of Friend or Frenemy? (HarperCollins). Another red flag is if she constantly only asks questions about you and doesn't share anything about herself. "Look out for someone who doesn't have a consistent bunch of friends or who hops from one group to another," says Rozler's coauthor, Andrea Lavinthal. "And be aware of how she works her way into the gang--one month she's hanging with one person and then the next month with someone else. You can tell when someone infiltrates and moves in."

Whether you're in a full-on poaching battle or suspect you're about to be, keep everything off the Internet. "Facebook can really take an innocent situation and blow it up," Lavinthal says. "IMing spreads everything too. If you have a core group of friends, you should feel secure in those relationships. But if someone is threatening a friendship, don't take things online."

If you get caught up in a pal snafu, just remember, you're not alone. "I think friend poaching is becoming pretty common," says Kachina, 20, from Albuquerque, New Mexico. She's been involved in two skirmishes herself, both as the victim and the instigator. "Women change groups frequently. You're lucky to find the one or two people you stay friends with for a really long time. You might fall in with girls you get along with better at some point." Lavinthal agrees: "In some cases, you just have to accept that certain people will hit it off more than others do."

"I think everyone encounters interlopers, whether they fall victim or they are the hunter," Remy says. "In the end, getting caught in a friendship triangle taught me about social personalities--and how close to get to people."

—CELIA SHATZMAN
*Name has been changed.

Tweet

Clique Crush: Chord Overstreet

Chord Overstreet struck a chord with us the moment we first spotted him on screen, and we haven't been able to get this Derrington lookalike out of our heads. After getting his start on the ah-mazing web series Private , he’s now wooing fans every week with his ah-dorable looks and singing voice on Glee.

What do you heart most about Chord?

Friendship Rules

Do Not Be Egoistic and Selfish

Hindari sifat egois atau menang sendiri di dalam kelompok. Pikiran bahwa kepentingan sendiri harus di dahulukan, harus dibuang jauh-jauh. Ingatlah, bagaimana pun kepentingan kelompok adalah yang utama.

"Fashions. Who's better?"

Tolerant

Cobalah untuk lebih toleran terhadap teman-teman satu kelompok. Salah satu caranya, dengan memahami sifat dan pandangan maupun prinsip mereka.

"Do not be repeated anymore, girl."

Want Forgiveness

Kalau ada teman satu kelompok yang berbuat kesalahan, semua anggota kelompok harus mau memaafkannya. Menyimpan dendam, apalagi membalas perbuatannya, hanya akan memperkeruh suasana yang dapat membuat kelompok kita retak.

"Thank You for paying my lunch."

Opened With Each Others

Ciptakanlah keterbukaan di dalam kelompok. Hindari main rahasia-rahasiaan antar anggota kelompok. Misalnya, kalau terjadi pertengkaran anggota kelompok, selesaikanlah secara terbuka dan bahaslah secara bersama-sama dengan tenang, tanpa emosi. Kalau pertengkaran itu disembunyikan, masalah tidak akan selesai. Malah sebaliknya, dapat membuat kelompok kita pecah dan terancam bubar.

"Relax, girl. Your secret's safe with me."

Do Not Be Envious

Jangan pernah kita merasa iri dengan teman satu kelompok, kecuali dalam hal prestasi. Rasa iri akan menyebabkan persaingan di dalam kelompok. Kalu kelompok disibukkan dengan hal-hal sepele, misalnya soal gaya dan penampila, terus kapan kelompok kita bisa kompak? Bukankah untuk kompak, kita harus mendukung sesama anggota?

"Ewww... Your fashion is sooo... yesterday."

Make Our Rules

Segala sesuatu perlu aturan. Buatlah aturan kelompok yang jelas dan di sepakati bersama seluruh anggota. Misalnya, anggota yang ingkar, dia harus minta maaf lalu menepati janjinya. Bila di terus ingkar, beri peringatan sekali, dua kali, sampai tiga kali. Jika masih ingkar juga, terpaksa di 'skors', tidak boleh mengikuti kegiatan kelompok selama sebulan, misalnya. Dengan demikian, setiap anggota jadi disiplin, nertanggung jawab, dan mamiliki kewajiban yang tinggi dalam memelihara kekompakan kelompok.

"Are you break our rules?"

***
The Friendship must be like this:

Caring, loyal, and open with each others.

Tweet

TeenVogue December

Pacaran itu...

Mengaku sajalah, kalau kamu remaja, kamu pasti pengin punya pacar. Memang sih, kata psikolog sebagian itu gara-gara hormon (hormon itu menyebalkan ya?) Tapi kurasa sebagian juga karena kita ingin tahu rasanya atau pengin kelihatan keren. Kalau kamu ditaksir oleh seseorang, itu berarti kau cantik, kamu funky, atau trendy. Pendeknya kamu keren! Kalau yang menaksirmu cewek/ cowok yang juga keren, itu artinya kamu keren banget. Punya pacar seperti punya sertifikat pengukuhan bahwa kamu remaja keren. 

Tapi apa akibatnya kalau soal pacaran ini hanya membuat kamu penuh masalah? bertengkar dengan temanmu, hanya memikirkan penampilan, tidak konsentrasi di kelas, bahkan lebih parah: depresi gara-gara patah hati!

Wah, itu sih artinya kamu nggak keren lagi. Menurutku, tidak apa-apa kok tidak punya pacar waktu kamu SMP atau SMA. Masih banyak hal-hal lain yang bisa kita lakukan, seperti ikut ekskul, belajar, mencari teman sebanyak-banyaknya. Dan percayalah: tanpa pacar kamu tetap keren.